2006-06-19 - 1:31 p.m.

I was being obvious.Obviously stupid.God.What is wrong with me?There has to be something.I feel like I'm constantly making a fool of myself.

Desperation may not be all that attractive but if push comes to shove it works.

You can't put your arms around a dirty gang bang cum shot.But that's all you get...

I am going to stop trying to be decent.Fuck morals.Fuck romance.Fuck you.
The rotting of my heart is spreading to my head.

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Come over to my place.I have a bed without your sister sleeping in it.ha.

He hugged me more than a friend would.He said my hair smelled nice.He said if I was scared I didn't have to.

Alright.I don't know.

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I didn't do anything to regret too much last night. I drank until I passed out at like 1130.Alone.I had work at 4 in the morning so, yeah, that was fun.Drinking makes bad decisions easier to make.
I had phone sex.Does that count?

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I feel dumb over certain actions of mine.
I'm a drunk.
I need to stay away from nice guys.
I know some not so nice guys who might pill and/or coke me up if I fuck them.
Who is this person?
I'm so close to falling off the edge.
I wish someone would push me.
Or see how much I'm hurting and help me.
I need a friend so bad.I have great friends but no one I feel comfortable enough to burden them with my sorrows.
Fuck.

Lies are slipping off my tongue with more and more frequency.
It is easy to say you are ok and make them believe it.
Scratches and small cuts are easily explained when you have cats.Especially in odd places, like your neck.

I have secrets.

I'm going to get fucked up again.Right now.

I don't love anyone.

regrets - hopes

the past