how can i convince you its me i don't like

a twisted triangle

2006-06-20 - 8:48 p.m.

I'm going to try to be if not good at least better influence on my sister.
No more parties.No more telling her things about my life she shouldn't know.
Avoidance is a possibility for I feel she is better off without me around. I don'twant her to be like me.I want her to feel special.She doesn't need drugs or alcohol.She has spirit and spunk.She has a sparkling personality.She is beautiful inside and out. I want her to stay that way.Who am I to fuck her up? God.I need to grow up.

I need distance.From everone.

If you are related to me don't read this.Stop reading this blog forever.
I am going to write sexually explicit things that I doubt you'd want to read and
I don't really want to share with you.
I feel like I should have a book with a lock and the words Keep Out sharpied onto the cover.


He came over last night.I was wasted.We talked forever.He was so sweet.
I was so nervous.We both knew why he was here.We watched tv and talked at first.
Then he said I was really pretty.He took my face in his hands and kissed me and kissed me and kissed me.
I couldn't think straight.Everything in my head was spinning.He ran his hands through my hair and then started kissing my neck.Then his hands were everywhere, where his hands went his mouth followed.His kisses were bruising and his hands were rough.
Stop.Yes stop.I was really nervous and I don't know scared I guess.That with being completely obliterated caused me to vomit.Luckily I made it to the bathroom.I brushed my teeth and came out of the bathroom cheeks flaming. He said it was ok and kissed me.
We sat there for I few minutes while we talked and he had a cigarette.
First things first.I am on my period. So he asks me if I am going to let him eat me out. No way.I am not that far gone. He says, I'll tear out your tampon with my teeth.No fucking way. You're scared.You are lying.
I'll give you a blowjob. He unbuttons his pants.My heart is beating so fast.I am scared.
I sucked him off.He held my hair.God you're beautiful. He came in my mouth.Hot cum dripping down my chin.I kept going.
He liked it I think.He is probably trying to make me feel good but he said it was the best head he ever got.
I never thought this would be me.

Do you still like me?

I didn't think about killing myself today. I thought about what tonight will bring.What tomorrow will bring.

I'm drunk again.

regrets - hopes

the past

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