2006-06-08 - 4:34 p.m.

We got high in silence today. Afterwards we sat ours heads together, his hand on my leg.No words were spoken between us. The tears coursed down my face as I breathed him in.I tried to memorize his scent, the feel of his hand, the shape of his face, his charasmatic smile. I wanted to hold him to me forever and today we say our goodbyes. I never thought I'd end up like this. Today my girlish dreams and romantic notions crash, burn and die, a flare that burned bright and fizzled out. I am the burnt casing left behind, charred and empty.

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I am going to do reckless, crazy things this summer.I am going to drink to distract myself.I am going to burn myself out.I am going to be ok. I am going to be ok.Please let me be ok.
But tonight I will cry myself to sleep. I will mourn the loss of him. I will feel sorry for myself.I will regret,I will rage, I will feel stupid and I will try to forget.

Tomorrow is a new day.Tomorrow is a new start.A life without him.A life of unknowns.I am scared. I am so afraid.

Please let me be ok.

regrets - hopes

the past