how can i convince you its me i don't like

I need you like water in my lungs

2006-06-07 - 12:35 p.m.

Do you ever think of doing something completely out of character? Lately I have considered promiscuity. Just going out and getting fucked. Fucked hard by whoever. I've only slept with frank. Before frank I didn't believe in sex before marriage if you can believe that.That is probably why we didn't have sex until we had been dating almost three years. I thought we would be together forever so it was ok.Sometimes I feel so naive and stupid. I don't think he ever thought we'd be together forever. Dumb. Now I kind of want to wipe him out of my mind. I want to feel wanted. In all honesty I don't think I could ever sleep with someone who I didn't have strong feelings for. But I feel desperately alone and desperate times call for desperate measures.Right?

I am thinking of moving away from wichita.I don't think there is anything for me here.Everything here reminds me of him.Everything that reminds me of him makes me feel stupid and sad and angry. I am going to try and save money over the summer and if I still feel the need to leave in september I am going to move to salina.It is close enough to home and I can transfer my job there. From salina maybe I can move farther away to bigger better places.

At least living alone I can cut without having to hide it. I can blare any music I want. I will be ok. I just have to keep telling myself that.

I need a drink.

regrets - hopes

the past

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