2003-09-17 - 11:40 a.m.

My mood swings are getting out of control.I feel like I'm losing my mind.I'll go for a few days of being extremely, sublimely happy and a little insignificant thing will happen and I'll fall back into this hell.The good moods are few and far between.

Everyday I have off I get fucked up.I feel like that is the only way I can relate to anyone, the only way I can relax.

This distance is growing between me and the rest of the world.

I keep sinking and every now and again I struggle to the surface gasping for breath and everything is ok for awhile.I wish I could keep sinking.

I hope know one I know reads this anymore.It so personal to me and not really for their eyes.

My perspective on everything has changed.I realized that everything that I was looking for will never happen.So fuck everything.I really don't care anymore.All I'm searching for anymore is oblivion.

I hate the way that I'm fake and empty.I hate the way that I'm scared.I hate that I feel like nothing matters.Right now I hate everything.

regrets - hopes

the past