2013-01-28 - 9:02 p.m.

I'm going through the motions.
I have to say I'm handling myself ok .For all outward appearances I'm keeping it together .
But really I feel numb...lost...empty
I'm confused about almost everything right now...or at least it feels like it.
I don't know what I want at all.

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I'm not eating enough, not really.
I want to be skinny so bad.
I'm down 60 pounds since July but down 25 in the last two weeks. I still have a little ways to go to get where I want to be.

I feel like I'm not my self right now.
I don't know who I am at all.
I just feel disconnected from everything.

Smile. Laugh. Talk. Flirt.

Convince everyone you're super happy.
A facade of happiness.
I've got this.

Not everything is bad...
I made some terrible decisions this weekend and had an awesome time.
I felt alive...if only for a moment.

I hate that I'm such a mess something's.

When do I grow out of this?

regrets - hopes

the past