how can i convince you its me i don't like

sleep is my friend and my rival

2013-01-21 - 10:03 p.m.

Ok. Rewind...this is from a couple days ago
Feeling good.
I am doing really well on my diet. I'm feeling motivated and am already losing weight.
My diet is basically
Diet pills
And barely any calories and an occasional zero carb energy drink.
I've come to the conclusion that I only attract assholes and guys going through a mid life crisis.
"You look like you know how to have fun "
"I've always wanted a tattoo..."

I don't particularly mind. I kind of like older guys. Let's face it: I probably like anyone who just pays any attention to me. I am pathetic.

Also crazy online shit with guys lately.
I don't even know
I am someone else

Guys just want to fuck me lately.
And since I hate myself and just like to feel wanted I will probably duck guys that I shouldn't.

Fast forward //////////

I say I don't care.

Maybe I really do.

I went to the bar this weekend.
Got trashed.
Don't remember most of the night.
Oh well...
I woke up alone...
Probably a good thing.
I lost my phone.
It had topless pictures of me on it.
Though I have more friends than I have had in a while sometimes I feel more disconnected from people than ever.
I don't know.

I sliced up my leg pretty bad again.
I cut until the water ran red.
It didn't hurt at the time....I just felt numb and kept cutting and cutting. I went a little overboard maybe.
Now it hurts like a bitch.

I can't decide how I feel about cutting

This is rare for me...but I could use a hug or something right now

regrets - hopes

the past

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