2013-01-09 - 9:41 p.m.

I feel deep down hurt. My heart has dropped to my stomach and is slowly dissolving.
I'm hollowed out.
I feel desperate.
I'm scared.
I'm calm.
Bone deep calm.
I feel like I should be crying but I can't.
I'm empty.
I feel like I can't talk to anyone right now.
But I'm doing a damn good job convincing everyone I'm "ok".

I fucked up and cut my arm. I don't know what I was thinking. Let's see if I can suffer through long sleeves for a few days. I'm an idiot to do it somewhere so visible.
My leg is destroyed. I am ok with that. Actually want to cut more than I have in a long time. I feel like slitting my wrists. I won't but I can think about it. Right?

I don't know.

Nothing feels right.

I even attempted to talk to larry.
Yeah I know I'm losing it.I have very little love left for him. I feel like he lives to make me miserable.

Maybe I'm not at all who I thought I was.

I'm a mess.
I'm a slut.
I'm always going to be taken for granted and overlooked.
I'm never going to be good enough.
I'm not even going to try.
I'm going to fall apart.

Nothing is what it seems.

Bad decisions.
Reckless behavior.
Self destruction.

Here I come.

Fuck you life

regrets - hopes

the past