2012-12-30 - 9:21 p.m.

Another year is coming to an end. I feel older than I should. I feel tired and lonely and bitter and frustrated and confused. I feel hopeful and determined and excited.I feel more myself than I ever have and yet still feel like I am still not quite there yet. This time last year I was scared and alone and feared what each day would bring.I did what I could in 2012 to make sure I wouldn't feel like that at the start of another year. Leaving larry was probably the best decision I could have made. I feel so embarrassed that I would stay with someone for so long that really just treated me terribly. I was so intimidated by him and to a certain point still am. But I'm getting better. I will never let someone hit me again(I hope not at least).I just feel like I am so pathetic everytime I think about how I was so dumb to stay. Fuck.
Anyway. I'm feeling fairly pessimistic for 2013. I'm hoping to at least lose weight. I'm fairly confident I will. Too bad thin doesn't always equal pretty. Maybe my mood will turn positive after the first. Idk. I feel like my emotions are just a huge confusing jumble. I'm feel like I'm acting a fool. Hah I probably am.

regrets - hopes

the past