2012-05-31 - 12:47 p.m.

Resin is gross

My stomach is tied in knots today.
Ok.
I need to close my eyes and jump or take a step back.
God Damnit why am I being such a pussy lately?

Off work early again. It is kind of nice to have a little time to myself but my bills aren't all getting paid. Nothing is shut off yet so I'm good. I'll have enough on payday to pay rent and just enough on bills to make everyone happy.
Oh and an ounce.
I've got my priorities straight.
Actually this saturday I'm spending some one on one time with dylan. We are really looking forward to it. He is a strange one sometimes. He has been very attatched to me since larry left. He cries just like I do, when's he embarrassed or thinks I'm dissapointed, basically at everything. Lucas is the opposite he'll laugh in my face if I am mad and I don't believe he even knows what embarrassed is.
You know alot of shit in my life has just sucked, really really sucked. I've had alot of bad moments, bad years. But when I look at my kids everything is worth it. I had to leave larry for them more than for myself.The way he talked to me in front of them sometimes. I never want them to treat anyone like that for any reason.

I hope I am a decent mom and that I don't fuck them up too bad.
I try really hard.
I'm terrible at discipline. They get away with too much probably. I hate when they cry.

Resin is gross but it does the trick.
Two hours before I have to pick up the kids.
So
Meds (and since they have to be taken with at least 350 calories)
food
masturbation
shower
laundry
vacuum

I'm getting shit done today.
Yes.

regrets - hopes

the past