2012-03-22 - 7:12 p.m.

I officially feel like an adult. I worry about money, and work and my kids getting sick. I am handling life way better than I would have in the past. Having children who depend on me makes falling apart not much of an option no matter how much I desperately want to.

My marriage is over.

I couldn't do it anymore.
He was starting to drink more again.
He thought I was poisoning him.
His paranoia was getting exreme.
He thought,no matter what I did, no matter what I said, no matter how hard I tried to not to do things to that triggered him that I was against him. The reality is that I was one of the few that was there. I stood by him when I shouldn't have. I can't do it anymore.
I am tired of feeling scared and nervous. I'm tired of not being able to sleep. I'm tired of panic attacks. I'm tired of feeling ashamed and embarrassed and pathetic.

I don't know how I feel anymore...

I'm using all my energy just pushing myself forward.
My heart has stilled.

regrets - hopes

the past