wake and be fine
2011-05-10 - 4:39 p.m.
I don't even know how to feel anymore.
I don't even know what to say.
I am so tired of drama and bullshit.
I seriously had a knife in my hand and considered stabbing him.
I don't want to be that kind of person.
I hate feeling scared.
I hate not knowing what to do.
I HATE feeling pathetic and weak and all alone.
Fuck it. I'll get through this just like I always do.
I love that it is summer.
Since it has been warm the kids and I spend all day in the backyard.
Maybe I'll get a tan this summer..
I bought a bathing suit.
It looks awful.I look awful.It was the cheapest swimsuit on the clearance rack in my size.Too much pale and flabby skin showing. It makes me feel disgusting.It is hot pink with these gross ruffles on what little there is of the top part.Ugh.My boobs just want to fall out of it.It covers my stomach though.No one will ever see me in it anyway(Besides larry and the kids and thet don't count.)
He just walks around the house looking sad and saying things like, "baby I'm sorry" and "It won't happen again"
What the fuck ever.
I know he is sorry but sorry doesn't mean shit anymore.
Time to smoke a bowl
I'm not going to cry over this shit anymore.
Please let this summer go by peacefully.
regrets - hopes