how can i convince you its me i don't like

we belong in a movie

2011-03-26 - 11:00 a.m.

I am a confident liar.
I'll have my head in the oven so you'll know where I'll be.

I'm less than amazing.

I slipped again.
Beads of blood in perfect lines criss cross my thighs.
Today they look like angry red scratches.Slightly scabbed but not too bad.Could be way worse.
They'll be gone in a week.
Every step I take rubs the material of my pants against them.
It burns.
It reminds.
It fits.

Slowly losing it.

Scratched my arm. Not bad but still noticable.
I'll brush it off if anyone asks.
But they won't.

I made him cry or maybe he made himself cry.
Either way I feel bad.
I didn't try to make him feel better.
Instead I said that's what you get.

I am a bitch sometimes.

I want to sleep in your branches.


The weather is nice today.
I am trying to adjust my mood.

I'm accepting that I can never be close to anyone.
I'll always only have myself to talk to.
I'll always be my own shoulder to cry on.


He found us some bud.


Things are looking up.

Time to get high.


Last night was alright.
Larry got us some kb.
We got really stoned.
Finally a new hook up.
A steady supply will keep my demons at bay.

The kids are still asleep.
It is so quiet.
I got up early to wake and bake with larry before he left for work.
I'm feeling more like myself again.
We will forever be potheads.
I'm ok with this.

I was afraid I'd eat your brain.


I was replaying some bad shit in my head this morning.
Feeling the bile rise in my throat with the memories.
It has been awhile but I can't push it all the way down yet.
There alot of things like that.
I wrote it all down hoping to just get it out.
It helped. I wrote eight pages on my notepad.
I can't put it in here yet.
That will make even more real.
Maybe tomorrow...

Things are ok today.

The kids are waking up.
Let the day begin.
Time to go scramble some eggs.


Coversation 16 has been the song stuck on repeat for days.

regrets - hopes

the past

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