2011-03-22 - 5:33 p.m.

(Friday night)

Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing...

I'm so good at making bad decisions.

Please cheer me on.

I spent a couple of hours scraping through shake for a bowl.Desperate for any high.Drinking just doesn't cut it.

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Sometimes conversations are better than orgasms.Sometimes but not always.

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Too drunk to write,
to think,
to feel.

PERFECT.

Oblivion here I come.

What am I doing?
Shut up.
Back off.
Slow down.

The best conversations I've ever had are with myself.

Tonight is a good night.

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It is almost time for sleep.

I'll lie next to him and feel complete.It would be nice if I could feel that every night.Maybe I should get drunk more often.

(Skipping a page.Incoherent babble and what is understandable is dirty and I'm not going there right now)

I forgot what i was going to say, I'm sure it was important.

I can barely keep my eyes open.

I'm so fucked up all I can do is stare.I need to go to bed. I want to fall asleep in his arms..Sometimes our love is perfect.Why can't sometimes be always...

Tomorrow I need to find something.
Somehow.
Restless.

Good night.

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Saturday. I got up, wallowed in my hangover for a couple hours and set forth to distract myself.
I decided to get a tattoo.I've been thinking about getting one and so I went up to the tattoo parlor or shop or whatever it's called and got on the list. Then while I was waiting I put in my headphones,blasted florence and the machine and walked around the mall alone for a few hours.Bought some cool shit and just enjoyed being alone.I don't get that very often.
Then I went and sat at the tattoo place and waited... for two hours. I knew if I left I'd pussy out. But I did it and I was proud of myself.It hurt like hell.Larry showed up last minute to hold my hand. I got the word courage across my chest.I love it.
I'm sure that it won't be my last.

Now I need another distraction...

(please let some drugs fall into my hands)

regrets - hopes

the past