2006-06-22 - 9:57 p.m.

He came over for a few minutes.I'm wasted.He wasn't drunk.He didn't want me.He went home.I'm stupid.Stupid.Stupid.Stupid.I'm still really really wasted.
I've been crying more lately.
I'm so alone.
No one understands.
I'm cutting more.
Pretend you don't know.Pretend I'm ok.
Please.
I need a kiss goodnight.
Even he, the drunk, told me maybe I should take a night off from drinking.
Whatver.
I don't want to.
Tomorrow I'll drink more.
How about that.
I feel fat.
I feel ugly.
The truth hurts.
Why can't I be better?
Why can't I be pretty?

Nights are too long, as are the days.
I've realized that frank really might not be the person for me.We've been talking more lately, really talking and he revealed truths that mad eme feel betrayed and hurt and glad he was hundreds and hundreds miles away.Sometimes I want to hit him and hurt him for wasting my time and hurting me and lying.Oh the lies hurt the most.And for saying I was fat and other hurtful things.I hate myself and sometimes I hate him.

God.

I yearn for oblivion.

I just wanted to feel special for a moment more.

Slut.

Whore.

Ugly.

God damnit.

I'm going to pass out soon.

regrets - hopes

the past