2006-06-16 - 6:20 p.m.

take a hit.

now write.

I just came to the realization that frank and I won't be best friends forever.That we are seperable. He is moving on, moving on without me. I'm left here alone amongst fields of wheat while he is caught up in the hustle and bustle of big city life.
I thought the whole time we were together I was helping him.I think maybe I was holding him back and that thought is crushing.

I've survived a week without him.He's enjoyed a week without me. How unfair.

This week I've kept busy with friends and therefore have kept my cutting to a minimum.I have to say that I'm quite proud of myself.

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I don't think I will have enough money for all my bills this month.Hello pawn shop.
I will however find the money for a bottle of rum.
I'm becoming something I wasn't.
I'm reckless.
I'm something all together unmentionable.
I'm different can't you tell?

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Drug deals in broad daylight.Children slamming screen doors.
Strangers exchanging hands. Hasty goodbyes.Summertime dramas.
Mellow nights.Lonely mornings. Yellow jackets and hot concrete.
Waiting expectedly.Checking connections and sealing cracks.
Frosted bottles and little tiny cups. Faking it.Unexpected desires.
Loss of control.Fade to black.

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Cashed hit.

regrets - hopes

the past