2006-06-14 - 1:29 p.m.

This weekend marks one month since I tried to end it all. This last month has been one of the longest of my life.To mark the occasion I am throwing a party. I really just don't want to be alone. I am pathetic. With all these reports about college kids dying binge drinking I wonder how much I would have to drink to kill myself. Maybe I'll find out ha ha.
Tomorrow is my birthday so cutting is definitely in the books for tonight. Happy birthday to me! I kind of want to see blood drip down my neck, how sick is that? I might just cut enough for it to bleed and drip to my shoulders.I doubt anyone would notice.Hmmmm.
I thought I would outgrow this emotional and cutting bullshit by now. Wasn't I supposed to leave all that in high school? I am almost 22. It can't be this way forever? Can it?

regrets - hopes

the past