2004-02-13 - 10:44 a.m.

Twenty new cuts line my thigh.From my knee up.All lined up.Perfect.A few on my arm before I thought.

No one can see this perfection.

I feel nothing.I am staring through vacant uncaring eyes.I don't cry anymore.I never cry.I don't feel anymore.

All that I have is this hopelessness.This soul consuming hopelessness.I wake up and feel no desire to live.I force myself to get up and drag myself through the day.Every second is unbearable.I don't know how much more I can handle.

I have another appointment with diane in a few hours.I am still debating what I am going to tell her.Why should I even try when I know it is hopeless?

Why the fuck should I keep on trying?

regrets - hopes

the past