2004-01-26 - 12:50 p.m.

No one bother me.

I'm falling faster.I want to be alone. I want to cry.I want to cut.I want to destroy myself.

The weekend was horrible.My depression slowly got worse and worse.I tried to push it off.I was helpless to stop it.Finally Sunday night I let it overtake me.I stopped fighting,stopped caring.Frank and I lay in his bed and he told me that I was a good person and that he wanted me to feel better.I just started crying then.I cried for the first time in what seems like forever.He just held me and told me that it was ok to cry.

Today I feel everything crashing around me.The weather seems to match how I feel.

I'm back to square one.I was on the verge of tears all day at work today.I only broke down and cried twice.I hope no one saw me.I haven't cut in the last day or so.I haven't had the energy.I just want to lie in bed until I waste away.

Nine days until the dreaded appointment.I am growing increasingly nervous by the day.I don't think I can do it.I am so afraid.

I just want to die.

regrets - hopes

the past