how can i convince you its me i don't like


2002-11-22 - 8:02 p.m.

I wrote this in my livejournal but I feel a loyalty to diaryland so I'll post it here to.

Everything just seems hopeless right now.I feel like screaming and crying or maybe just getting drunk off my ass.

Lately I've been trying to be very happy and energetic and just not think about anything important. I think though all this is doing is annoying everyone around me, which I don't want to do. I'm probably more irritating than lexi and that is scary.

I just feel so horrible and sad. I just got off my medication a few weeks ago and I don't ever want to take it again. I just want to be happy without drugs. I almost cut today.I hate that.I hate myself for even thinking about it.I am never ever doing it again.

Frank is leaving on Monday. Everytime I think about it I start crying. I have been with him almost everyday for more than a year and half I don't know how I can be without him for 6 months. Tomorrow he is taking me out to dinner and a movie. I am looking forward to that but it'll be sad because it'll be the last time we'll go out for a long time.I bought a new dress and frank is buying a suit for it.I know alot of people think frank is annoying but when I am with him we just click.We don't even have to say things to each other because we just know.I love that. I thought it be easier than this but as it gets closer to when he is leaving I am starting to panic.

Ok enough of that...

I like my job.I love working with jess and amber.But the hours they give me and some of the people really piss me off. Lexi and frog face are so gross and annoying.I want to kick their assses.I could do it to, I don't care what they say.

It is so funny that the lynard skynard dude is so in love with

I was hoping I could move out in january and maybe I still can but not if target keeps giving me shitty hours. If I can't I will be so sad I would cry for like two weeks nonstop.

I can't wait until our secret santa party!!!(but is it really so secret anymore?)

regrets - hopes

the past

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