not so sad
2002-01-17 - 8:42 p.m.
The last couple of days I have been feeling not so sad. It is weird not to be so sad you don't think you can take another minute. But here I am and I am smiling. I am not really happy but life is bearable. Thinking about the future still makes me want to kill myself but... oh well. Even though I am not as sad I still think I might kill myself. I just feel very hopeless and don't see a future for me. That is ok I guess. I have to die sometime right? Why not now? I just don't know...
I still find comfort under the covers. I tell my dad I am going to read, turn my music on, leave the light on and burrow beneath the covers. I spend the majority of my time there. I am really pathetic.
I just wish I had a little bit of talent, or ambition or something. Then maybe I'd have something to do with my life. I'd have a future.
I hate growing up.
regrets - hopes