2002-01-10 - 9:20 p.m.

I've been sitting here for about five minutes trying to find the words that express how I am feeling. I went to school today and I could barely stand so I came home. I laid in bed under the covers and just stared. As I lay there I thought and thought and I feel like I am back at square one. I was lying there and feeling numb. I cried for about an hour. I haven't been this depressed since before Frank, before Carissa and Amber. I miss them so much. I stay home from school and I lie in bed and I don't move. I think and think and feel so lonely I want to die. I hold the phone in my hand hoping someone will call, knowing they won't. I contemplate calling them but in the end I decide against it, figuring they are better off without me. I thought today that this was it. This is my life. I can't do it anymore. I just want to let Frank, Amber and Carissa know that you are the only reasons I get up in the morning. If anything happens I just want you to know that I love you and I'm sorry.

regrets - hopes

the past