I can't breathe
2002-01-03 - 11:45 a.m.
Well I am finally home. I was so glad to see Frank. He is my whole life. I'm not his whole life however. I don't know if I like the imbalance of that. He has other things besides me,his band,work,school,friends. I have him. I have friends too, but I often find myself putting them off to hang out with him or even just to talk to him on the phone. I need to do something... I'm not sure what though? I am so pathetic.
I feel as though my anxiety is getting worse and worse lately. I can't sleep for worry.
School starts again soon. Fuck. This is really sad but I think about killing myself alot just so I don't have to go back. That is how scared I am. Maybe I'll just run away? Ha! My mom said she was going to make me go to my graduation in May. I am starting to seriously doubt I'll even graduate. I know it is far away but in the event I do graduate I dread the ceremony. I don't why but that scares me too. I don't even have a walking partner yet. I'll probably get paired with some random person who happens to represent all I hate about that school. Maybe I'll leave town that day, if I'm even still around?
I've been thinking about me and Frank alot. We talk about getting married and being together forever. I love him more than life itself.Assuming I make it I could ruin his life. He deserves someone who doesn't have this sorrow, which seems to be ingrained in me. I am just afriad I am not enough for him. I try so hard for him.
I am so scared I can't breathe...
regrets - hopes