how can i convince you its me i don't like

I feel dirty

2001-11-22 - 6:23 p.m.

I feel dirty.

Frank and I have decided not to have anymore oral sex until we are married. I never really saw it as dirty before. I saw it as a beautiful expression of our love. Maybe I was just niave and stupid. But Frank said we should stop, for God and for ourselves.

Last night I was kissing him, just kissing and he said "I thought we were going to wait." I wasn't trying to push him to do anything. As soon as he said that I just felt so completely dirty. I'd felt dirty before, but then I just froze. I feel like everything I do and everything I feel is so wrong and so impure. I don't feel like like being touched or kissed anymore. It all feels dirty. All I can think about is how unclean I am. I cried last night when I told Frank I didn't want to be touched.

regrets - hopes

the past

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