2001-08-06 - 10:48 p.m.

Shut the FUCK up!

Lovely way to start out my first entry in a couple of weeks huh?

The last two weeks have for the most part been absolutely wonderful. I've of course had my moments of depression and what-not but they have been few and far between. But in the last few days they've been occurring more often than the happiness. But that happiness lasted so long and for that I'm so grateful.

I've had this wonderful energy consuming me, powering me. I've been constantly moving and yes down right chipper. But lately I've been slowing down and I can feel my energy turning negative if that makes any sense?

Where to begin...

I have to write about our trip to Salina.(S-A-L-I-N-A)Carissa, Amber and I went to Salina to see Kosher. We had one kick ass time and Kosher was fucking awesome!! Remi has the most beautiful hair. I am going to marry him for his hair! Anyway. We started our our day with lunch at the Artichoke. We had been there once before,back in May, and the waiter remembered me. I had a never-ending salad and we played Mr. Roboto on the juke box. Then we made our way to Salina. Once there we wandered the mall and bought each other presents at the dollar store. I got a picture frame, this cute necklace, a wrestling figure(which now hangs proudly from my ceiling) and miniture tape. Then we wnt to the actual show. I didn't mosh and sadly wasn't not injured in any way, not even a bruise. But it was so fun!

I've done quite a bit of shopping lately. All of it at thrift stores. I have quite a wardrobe now. This year I am going to be myself. I say this every year and I am always consumed my this same fear and total lack of self confidence.

Last Sunday one of the most beautiful moments in my whole entire life occurred. I went over to Frank's house and we made out, did our usual thing. But I was just so tired and I fell asleep. I was lying there half asleep. Frank thought I was asleep and he just held me. He kissed my hair and just held me. I felt completely at peace at that moment.I love him so much and I didn't think I could love him any more but that did it. That truly was a 'moment'

Regarding the whole situation with Brianna that I previously wrote about it still plagues me. In addition to her walking out on Frank and I some stuff that I told her and thought would not be repeated was. She told Matt and Matt told Frank and Frank told me and by the time it got back to me it was almost twisted beyond recognition. It really kind of hurt she'd repeat stuff that I assumed she knew I didn't want everyone to know and she told Matt someone I don't know to well. Anyway. I just don't feel too comfortable around her anymore and that makes me really sad.

On a different note... Frank took me to this party the other night. I was so out of place. Surrounded by a mass of drunk football players. Anyway. We were standing there listening to this guy drunkenly babble about penguins when out of nowhere this other guy comes up and punches him in the face. He gets in a couple more punches pushes to the ground and just keeps punching him. One hit after another while the guy just lies there on the the concrete his hands over his face not fighting back. It was absolutely horrible. Blood was everywhere. It is an imagine that will remain fresh in my mind for quite a while.

regrets - hopes

the past