2001-05-28 - 10:32 a.m.

I hurt inside. What the hell is wrong with me. I am happier than I have been in years and yet I still feel this intense pain. Shit. I will not cut. No matter how much I want to. That is fucked up. I am so fucked up. I just want to be... I don't know, not who I am, somebody else. Somebody better. I am trying. Damn I am trying so hard. Why is everything so difficult? I want to be better. I want to be better for my friends, for Frank and even for myself. I feel like even as I growing closer to everone a part of me is drifting away. All the pain that is inside of me is burrowing down deeper. It consumes such a major part of me. It is such a major part of me. A part I don't want. I just want to be better...

regrets - hopes

the past