2001-05-05 - 10:45 p.m.

i just want to feel safe in my own skin

i just want to be happy again

i just want to feel deep in my own world

but i'm so lonely i don't want to be with myself anymore

on a different day

if i was safe in my own skin

then i wouldn't feel so lost and so frightened

but this is today and i'm lost in my own skin

and i'm so lonely i don't want to be with myself anymore

i just want to feel safe in my own skin

i just want to be happy again

Honestly OK - DIDO

This song expresses what i feel so much. I recommend dido's no angel to anybody. it is absolutely wonderful.

I'm falling faster and faster. My heart feels broken. I am shattered. A shadow of myself. Nothing makes sense.

DAMN!! I wish someone understood. I mean really understood. If i had a gun I'd shoot myself. Bang. Bang. I'm dead. haha. Everyone seems to think i'm doing better. That is good. i hate for people to worry. But i honestly don't feel better. i feel worse.

I still can't cry. Fuck. What is wrong with me. I want to cry so badly. I just want to cry. Cry until there are no more tears. I don't think I can. That scares me. My thighs are criss-crossed with cuts, but the pain was empty. It caused no tears. I just wish...

I can't think straight. My thoughts just jump around.My mind just flutters from one thought to the next. I am losing my mind. AHHH!

I still have my caffeine pills. i told some people i threw them away. shane thought he took all of them. maybe if i took them i'd feel so much pain i'd cry. last time was hell. I said i'd never take them again. Here i am thinking about it. I am so stupid. God. I desrve to die.

DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.DIE.

How much more can I take?

regrets - hopes

the past