how can i convince you its me i don't like

life is leaving

2001-05-01 - 8:30 p.m.

My heart is being squeezed. Life slowly leaving me, breath growing short, all feeling becoming only a memory. I am going to scream . Fuck I thought i was doing so much better and now... WHY?WHY?WHY?

I still don't know what to do about alternative school. Everyone is telling me not to go but... they just don't understand how hard everything is for me. This is just making me feel worse and like such a failure. I had a couple people tell me that I needed to stop acting so depressed and snap out of it. If only it were that easy. A person told me I was just bringing everone else down and I needed to stop. I feel so guilty now and them saying that made me want to leave school right then and shoot myself in the head. Making everything stop. Maybe everything would be better without me. Everyone would be happier without me bringing them down. Another person said just be happy,it is not that hard. why can't I be happy? Why is it so easy for some people and so hard for me. I know I deserve it but sometimes I wish...

Well I can feel the tears welling up inside filling me. Maybe I'll cry tonight? Probably if I'm still able. Anyway time to pop a prozac and attempt to sleep.

regrets - hopes

the past

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