2001-04-26 - 4:17 p.m.

I can for once breathe! I am not happy exactly but i am not in so much pain as before. I know this feeling won't last long so i'm reveling in it while i have it.

Yesterday i hung out with my little sister, ashley, all afternoon. It was fun. I realized how much she's grown up in just the last 6 months. Then Warren called and we talked for a while. He is so nice but still i don't know.I can't make any decisions. I honestly am so confused. I don't what i feel anymore. Or what is real and what is not. I am so fucked up. anyway.

School today was alright. I talked to the school counselor. She said she'd take me to check the alternative school on Monday. I'm not sure if I want to go there next year or not. My friends, my parents, my brother have all pretty much said not to but... They don't understand how hard school is for me now. It makes me want to die every second i'm there, everytime i don't understand and i get lost. Shit. To go from an A-B student to an F student in less than a semester is awful and embarrassing. I just want to get school over with and the way things are going now it feels like i'll be there forever. The alternative school is way smaller too, which be nice. I hate having over 2,000 people in a school and everyday you see someone you don't know. it is so impersonal. Anyway... i guess i'll just have to wait and see what happens.

regrets - hopes

the past