2001-04-20 - 10:00 p.m.

I thought i was doing better. Now...

I am so scared. The pain is eating at me. Why does it hurt so bad? I can't breathe for the sorrow. I can feel my heart pounding in my head. I want to cry but i can't. That really scares me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I can make it through the weekend. I can?

I am standing in quicksand. I am slowly sinking. The sand surrounds me. It fills my nostrils, my throat, my lungs. It fills me. I'm becoming so heavy. The more I struggle the deeper I sink. I want it to end, life to end but I have air. Just a enough air to survive, barely. Why can't i just sink? Sink down down down to death? Why can't I drown in the sand? Let it fill me, become me? I just want to disappear, to drown in the sand. I just want the pain to stop. STOP!

regrets - hopes

the past