how can i convince you its me i don't like


2001-04-13 - 10:20 p.m.

today sucked...i went to my new psychologist. He was a stupid ass let's just leave it at that. The whole experience leaves me feeling shittier.

I hated it. I wanted to scream the whole time i was there. Anger, ahhh, it fills me. Anyway it was a waste of fucking money and time!

Tomorrow i might do something w/ Brianna? I hope so, i need to get out of the house for a while. I kinda feel like she feels obligated to do stuff w/ me. i know we are friends but i also know she knows i really don't have many other friends. Well like no friends who will do stuff w/ me or really even associate w/ me after school. Ummm... Brianna don't be offended by this. I love you girl!

mike thinks i'm a freak. I know he does. He saw me after school when i snapped. Nicole said he asked what my 'problem' was. God. Why? Why? Why? i've given up on him anyway. I know that it'll never happen, especially now. Sigh. I loved him from afar and i'll die before he knows it.

On Monday i'm going to be happy. Maybe not inside but on the outside at least. So many people are disappointed in me and well no more. Once again i will pretend. the facade of happiness... the story of my life. I hope i can do it, i hope somewhere i find the strength to do it. It takes all of my strength. Maybe i can make it until summer before i fall apart again?

regrets - hopes

the past

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