2001-04-10 - 8:49 p.m.
Today sucked!Big surprise! I went to lunch and decided i did't want to go back to class so i wrote a note that said:
I might not come back from lunch.Don't worry i'm not dead.haha. I hate this fucking class. I don't know why i even bother. Why am i writing this? I am insane? WHY? WHY?WHY?
Yeah, it freaked my teacher out. I just can't take school anymore. Anyway he sent the note to the counselor and she in turn called my parents. Whatever. They asked me if i was doing this to hurt them. As if saying anything else could make me feel worse. I feel so guilty already. I hurt so much inside and i don't know why. Nothing helps though. Nothing?!
Tonight at work I carved the word LIFE into my hand. I needed to feel alive and that did it for the moment. Now when i look at it i feel well nothing. But it helped for those 30 minutes at work.
I cried for like 3 hours straight today. I can't stop myself. Damn. I am soo fucked up.
This one guy at school said i should use a key to cut myself. I'm going to try it tonight on my thigh.Maybe i'll feel something.?
Why is life so hard?
regrets - hopes